You can influence people in a variety of different ways:
There’s manipulation through fear.
Make people scared of you, then tell them what to do.
Sounds horrible and is horrible. This is the old school way of influencing.
There’s convincing with charisma.
Make people like you, then ask them to trust you.
Sounds good on the face of it, but this is risky. Here, you’re in danger of doing what the influencer personally wants, rather than what’s best for the user, the customer or the team.
There’s coaching through empowerment.
Trust people’s expertise and give them the responsibility, then ask the right questions.
If you ask the right questions, people may well come round to the best solution themselves.
There’s persuasion through data.
Show people evidence and let them make up their own minds.
This can stop the internal bickering and focus on what’s actually happening. It removes personalities, egos and force and unites the team through shared decision making.
You’ve probably already decided which one of the above best describes you, but rather than think about that; instead, think for a second about how you would rather be influenced.
Next time, try it that way instead.